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10 Things You Should Never Do On Facebook

by Mrinal Saha

The never-ending debate of what’s wrong and what’s not wrong (since nobody cares about what’s right) continues to baffle the realms of Facebook. Nobody cares if you’re a skinny, toothless bastard in real life but if you’ve gotta Bradley Cooper display pic, more than 2100 friends and you post funny stuff, you’re the lord.

But just like real life, which more or less has ceased to exist, there are some social protocols on Facebook too, read – there are certain things that can make a complete douchebag out of you, no matter how delightful they may seem to you.

Here is a list of the 10 most imps. among those. Note that if you’ve put an ugly display pic, have less than 100 friends and post patriotic stuff, these don’t concern you and you’ve already been blocked by 75 % of your “friends”.

Things You Should Never Do On Facebook

#1 Never ending game requests -: Okay, you “urgently”, “immediately” and “desperately” need a dozen young hatchlings or some 100 construction bricks, but BREAKING NEWS dumbo, nobody gives a rat’s ass about it. Seriously you should realise that you should be keeping normal beings away from your pussy cat games. Get a life, just don’t keep asking for one.

#2 Comment on status relationship :- You’ve got no job, no one to be with, nil to do in your life, nix to work on, and that’s when you indulge in activities that are specifically meant to be ignored. Okay a like here and there is fine, but commenting on a “XYZ is now single” status with “she didn’t deserve you anyways bro” is reserved only for the idlest kind of beings.

#3 Tagging people to get likes -: You don’t know how many people are conspiring to kill you right this moment because of your super irritating habit of tagging everyone in your silly statuses where you claim to eat 27 eggs in one go or that annoying pic of your dog pooping (which BTW even your dog hates). So next time you see a bullet coming towards you, you’ll know why.

#4 Liking your own pic/ status -: @#$%$#^ likes his own pic. Don’t you know how lame it sounds? There’s an air of desperation in it. Perhaps you are…………

#5 Post private conversations on walls -: “Last night was great, wanna do it once again”. Yeah okay, you’re having a gruesome life with that even more dumb partner or friend of yours. Still why have you got to publicize the fact that you’re living a fantasy. Get real no one wants to hear you rant about your private conversations. They invented texting and fb messaging for that.

#6 Post photos that you took in bathroom mirror -: Ignore completely. You should totally do this more often. Those semi-nude pics are what make you viral across FB. When you do, please send me the link too, I’ll have a good time ROFLing………….. I mean admiring your bulging tummy and drooping chest. I may even get you a like or two.

#7 Post about cooking, bathing, shitting and everything else -: Do not abuse the Facebook status feature. It specifically says “What’s on your mind?”…not “What are you currently doing every five minutes of your life”. We are so not interested when you post pictures and statuses about cooking a dish, then eating it, then washing the dishes, and worst of all, defeating the same thing. *Gross*,Okay that’s a bit exaggeration, but hope you get the general idea.

#8 Adding people you don’t know -: Having large no. of friends was cool only up to the era when dinosaurs used Orkut, it’s over now. Sending requests and accepting the same from random unknown people is the height of being a nut bag unless you’ve just turned a minor celebrity and want to bask in a little starlight

#9 Absurd quizzes -: Yup, technology had advanced, but still a freakin spam facebook application cannot tell you who are your crushes, who is your most trusted friend, which football player you are (even though you’ve never entered the field). It does not get simpler than that. One thing everyone can tell you for sure, who’s the no. 1 dumbass.

#10 using shorthand -: If ur nt annyd by dis, den probbly u shud gt urself chkd by a thrapist. Pls stop destryin d englsh lang. No mattr hw bsy u r, u cn olwyz hav time 2 rite “all” instd of “ol”. Nwe i dnt hv nthng mo 2 se bout dis ishu.

FYI Microsoft Word gave me a really hard time writing this last point.

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